Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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