I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
