I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
