whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
