there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
