We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
