you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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