her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
