I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
