Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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