we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
BRING THE BAGELS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
