Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
