So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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