Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
