I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
