the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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