Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
