I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
