I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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