OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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