she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
