Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
