i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
