I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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