goodnight i made you a song goodbye
barbara walters just said penis...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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