I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A+ Viking dick
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