I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
