history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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