You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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