Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
