I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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