This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
