T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
