I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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