we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
