please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
