Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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