She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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