Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
