My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Blood and glitter go together right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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