I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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