dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
