apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
