There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
