how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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