how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He shit in the fireplace
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
