Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
