I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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