Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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