My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
