how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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