Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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