you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
