I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
