1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
