I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
