I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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