Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You are a genius and a whore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
