Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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