She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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