i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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