i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Alive.
So much puke
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
