There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
