I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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