is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
