I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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