one might say we're banned from that church
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
