Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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