I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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